What is wrong with me? I can’t concentrate. I can’t study in a long time. I easily get distracted. Help me!
today marks the last 4 hours of 2013. at the moment, i am hearing firecrackers that hit like bombs, neighbours singing karaoke outside, and my grandfather watching year ender concerts on the tv. 2013 as i’ve said on my instagram post, may not be the oh-so-happy year for me. but, it was my year of self discovery. 2013 started a little bit rough, as i remembered, that was the time i am all alone. but i was strong. i face this year with just me. and that led me to discovering my capacities, weaknesses, hate, love, wants, ambition, bad side, evil side, good side, name it all.
losing someone and moving on from it made me stronger and better. i have realised a lot of things that really made me think a thousand times of my personality. my perception about love changed. i started to love myself more, and value it first. i enjoyed being single and mingle to lots of people. but it also developed my fear of loving again. i don’t know why, but i am really in doubt of pursuing a relationship. it would just give me heartaches, that i really can’t take anymore. i am happy with only me, my family and friends by my side. and having someone again with my life would make a whole lot of arguing to myself. i hope that this 2014, someone would change this perception and bring back fairytale lovestory feels again in me.
as i grow older, my plans are also getting big. big that i couldn’t wait for it to be real! this 2013, i created plans that i really hope with my fingers crossed to be true. choosing between two paths that i really want is really the hardest point in this year. and this choosing dilemna will continue through 2014. i don’t know what to choose. to continue doctor of pharmacy and chase my dream to go out of the country and work there OR going to med school and be a doctor that i want and i dreamed since i am little. it is so hard to choose, so hard to take one path over the other. i want to go to the states, to discover new things, to meet new people, to work and play after. but i also want to help people, help the old people to get over their sickness, and also the little ones, to give them care and make them feel well. i hope that this 2014, i will have a very good decision and would not regret anything of choosing it.
i discovered my dark side and i really want to change it. patricia, the soft voiced that everyone knows, has an evil side. she gets mad easily, selfish, she want to get what she wants even though someone could get hurt, she expects so hard, she is a perfectionist, she wants to get attention, and she always think about herself. these bad traits are what i have discovered about myself this year. and it is so shameful to admit that i got the traits. i want to change it, i really want. and i hope that this 2014 would be a better patricia.
2014 also thought me to become a happy, cheerful and makulit person! my world is boring. i think i am trap in wrong world, in a wrong place, and in a wrong time.. i think that the people around me don’t click with my attitude. and that made me break free, be weird, and just laugh. but sometimes, i also get boring, quiet and dry. i hope that this 2014 i meet new people that would ride in my changing attitude.
i really pray that my hopes can reach heaven and be granted! i hope i would have a good 2014! i’m looking forward to a happy and a memorable year ahead. happy new year!
My life’s transition moved so fast. Really fast. And I cannot anymore go with its flow. Last week was our hell week. Last saturday was our Christmas party and Pharmaskuhan, and now its our Christmas vacayyy! I enjoyed how we were relieved from the jam-packed hellweek that we had! Our section’s Christmas party was the wildest! It really bought us close together. I liked how it made my mahinhin classmates played the not so wholesome games we prepared. And also how my classmates were so vain like as in super. We compiled 300+ photos in just one day!
Pharmaskuhan 2013, our last, was the best! I love it! We were so lucky to have this very cool and wild Pharmaskuhan as our last one. We partied hard bitch! We were like drunk for screaming, dancing and just having fun like its our last day in our life! I am so thankful to myself for being in the mood, and not being a buzz killer. I really enjoyed! I will treasure it for the rest of my life.
aliandelviloria asked: Aglfbruxndoahrlsnsis pat kung babalik ka sa past mo. Tatanggapin mo ba yung letter at flowers asdfghjkl asfgklfneudndlwnwlq
Ngayon ko lang nabasa to! Kelan mo to tinanong? Hahahaha!
I felt so offended when you never looked at me but you know I was there. You never greeted me but you know I was there. So this is what you want me to do to you. Challenge on.
I am both so happy and sad from what our section has become. This section is not the section I expected that I would be in. But they taught many things to me. And memories with them cannot be enumerated anymore because its so many. Four solid years we’ve been together. Few left, several was added, but many remained. I can’t really explain what is unique about this section. We don’t have any joker in our class. We are not that super tight close. We are just normal classmates that at the end of the day, you will go home and do your assignment alone. But many things changed. This last year of my college years, I am still with them. We are still classmates, we are still into groups, but we are now outrageous. We are so noisy, and loud. We laugh all together and we laugh at each other. But something is still missing. I really wish that someday we would really really stick very close like glue gun. I hope that we become a family and that no one could break us apart. Because we are not still in that stage. That is what I am very sad about.
I feel so incomplete. I miss my siblings, my parents, our house, my pillows and the atmosphere in the province. I miss how I wake up in the morning and go downstairs to eat my breakfast with my papa singing outrageous songs. I miss how mama is always scolding me when I didn’t fix my bed after I wake up. And I miss how my siblings and I never talk because we are busy playing iPad and facebooking. All those simple and little things are so cherishing that I want it to happen now.
Now, I’ve realized that I am getting old. Life is not as simple as how I picked Santan flowers in our backyard and make a beautiful bracelet. It is not as easy as I solved addition and subtraction math problems right after I ate dinner with my family. It is not as fun as I skipped my classes just to print my homework for History and gone home late at night just to finish your class’ El Fili shoot and eat calamares with your ex boyfriend. All this things are different now. All things are so complicated and different at this moment. I feel stressed, tired and weak. Every single night I sit on my bed, I want to escape the stress and dilemna I face every single day in school. I never do my homework at once, I never read my books or my notes, I review with the internet on. I just feel that I am not enjoying. I am so tired with this fucked up routine. I want to break free. I want to enjoy what I’m doing and have that kind of motivation that will always be overflowing. I hope that one day, I feel that and never escape from it.
BAAAT ANG LAKAS NG IMPACT MO SAKIN BAAAT PA KITA NAGING CRUSH